Watching this movie (entitled: Last Night) means I just went into my kitchen and emotionally ate two hotdogs and two kosher pickles. No shame, yeah, I emotionally eat, and cook, and cry. I am pretty flawed. I am petty, and mean, but never with malicious intent. I am, just as I will always be, me. A human.
I get rowdy and I sweat when I dance too hard under harsh hot lights at my friend’s band’s shows. I wear sweatpants when I get home. I hate socks unless they are soft and patterned. I have been very drunk, I also have had many sober nights. I have been the one to break someone’s heart. I have had my heart kicked around a bit as well.
I send late night texts. I leave late night voicemails. I am someone who punches my guy friends in the arm, and hugs and lifts my girl friends in the air when I get extra excited to see them. I sneak a thermos and home made popcorn into movie theatres when I go on a date with myself.
I sometimes wake up in the morning and don’t want to get out of bed because I get scared. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and open the windows and stare out into the night. I am an affectionate person, I want to touch and hold those who I love and feel strongly about.
I sometimes have a great fear that even though I am easy to love, that I may be very hard to convince that I am loved by someone.
I write to ask myself the questions I avoid when I lie awake at night.
We’re having fun now that I learned how to make GIF’s loll
My boy-friend is a beast!
Hahaha this text. 👵
Old picture of some of my books, only a fraction.
check out this rockin’ unicorn balloon at my cousin’s Sweet 16.
I am 5’4 and I weigh 150 lbs. Yes, That is in the overweight BMI range.
I used to step on the scales every morning, lunch, after lunch, dinner, and before bed. I would make sure that my weight would not vary more then 1lbs through the day, even while drinking water. And, I would make sure that I stayed bellow 125 lbs or else I would swear to fast for the next 2 days. I would throw up everything that touched my lips. I would cry at night at how fat I felt: every night for 2 years.
Then one day it occurred to me, who am I? The only answer I could think of was “I am a 17 year old bulimic who is defined by her weight.” And that depressed me. So I went on the journey to change. I gained weight, I binged daily, and I did not cry any less. But, I didn’t give up, I slowly asked for advice, “how do you know when you’re hungry?”, “how much do you eat?” “how often do you step on the scales?” were the questions I annoyed almost all of my friends with, trying to find ‘normal’ again. I slowly started getting back into exercise and renewed my gym membership, I tried to control my portions making sure I ate enough and not giving in to eating too much. It was tough, it was a battle, it was the damn hardest thing I have ever done. But I did it.
This is me: I am 150 lbs and that weight can go down with a Poo and up with a liter of water, I can lose weight with exercise, and gain with my love of chocolate. But I will always be me, I will always be able to think positively, put a smile on my face and challenge myself to put 300% effort into each and every workout. I have learnt to eat healthy, I have learnt to look in the mirror and find the perfections rather then the perfect imperfections. I have learnt that loosing weight is a choice, it is a lifestyle change it is a decision you deserve to take to respect your body, inside and out. I let the scales guide me, guide me once a week through a little journey to fitness and a slim, toned Me. But I do not let it define me.
I am me because of the books I’ve read, the experiences I’ve lived through, the people I’ve met and most of all the Knock downs I’ve stood up from. So If your biggest problem in life is the number on the scales, your life is as good as a piece of lucious chocolate cake. If you set your Mind to something, You can do it.
It is now a proven Fact.
I love this girl. Ladies, I now know better than ever that the number on that scale does NOT matter! I’m 140 and wearing a size 6. I love my muscle and I live now to be healthy! I’ve honestly never been happier in my life and I’ll be damned if someone tries to tell me I shouldn’t be happy with my results.
This morning, while taking progress photos, I realized I had positioned my camera way too high and the timer only had about 3 seconds left so I just jumped up in the air so it wouldn’t be a total bust. This is the result.
LOVE THIS PHOTO AND THIS GIRL.
This lady is one of my favorite people in the world. I can’t wait to see her in August!
It’s go time!